Unispired and Out Of Place at 32
|all photos from Advanced Style|
When I was in my teens and 20s, I never really cared about what other people thought and what their impression of me might be. I did whatever I wanted, dressed however I wanted with only one thing on my mind, pleasing myself. If I wanted to look like a hippie one day, a rockstar the next and a chic heroin addict the next night, I'd dress the part and not give a second thought about it. Fashion and dressing up was always about self expression and I could get away with it then since I was at my prime.
After giving birth to my daughter and hitting my 30s, I was thrusted into the "real responsible adult world". All of a sudden I was placed in a position to be a role model not just for anyone but for my own daughter. A lifestyle check was in place as well as an attitude check. Apprehension took the place of spontaneity.
For the past few years, appropriateness and acceptance always took the lead against self-expression. And I hate it, I hate it sooo much. I have the Peter Pan syndrome and dealing with age is extremely difficult for me. Advancing in life has brought on more insecurities than ever before. The fast life has finally caught up with me. My body is changing, wrinkles are begininng to appear, hangovers are always present despite having only 4 beers, a variety of sicknesses start to plague you requiring at least once a year visits to the doctor (which I also despise), clothes that used to look good on my body don't anymore, and a myriad of other reasons to make you start screaming and head for the hills.
Pushing 33 this year, I am way older than most of the other bloggers in my niche. Looking at their posts make me miss being young, free and wild. It also sometimes makes me question what I am doing. If I put on an outfit that resembles something a teen or a 20 year old would wear, I sometimes take it off and choose something more "mom/age appropriate". This can get really stifling at times because I was never really used to this behavior and this morning I woke up, read this, saw this and realized that I don't have to do it anymore.
Yes, I am a mom but that doesn't entirely define who I am. That is only part of the wonderful package I come in.
Looking at the photos of all these wonderful women above give me the inspiration and courage I need to slowly come to terms to with my age and everything else that comes along with it. Being old doesn't have to mean letting yourself go. Life is too short to care about what other people think and dictate.