lantern in the sky
It seems the older I get, the harder it is for me to feel the "christmas spirit". It doesn't come as easily anymore as it used to. I'm sure it's the same for almost everyone but why? It isn't the realization that Santa does not exist right? I mean, of course it isn't. I don't even remember what exactly got me all giddy and excited for Christmas before so that makes it even more of a challenge to recreate the feeling.
I know I can act grown up and just brush it aside, go through the motions of the holidays and breathe a huge sigh if relief once it's over, but I don't want to. I love Christmas and New Year's. Plus being a mom, it's my responsibility to force myself to inject as much "spirit" as I can into the home for my daughter's sake.It doesn't matter how I feel personally.
Last 2012, the 'christmas spirit' was still as elusive as it always had been. In fact, Christmas came by so fast and I was so busy with other things that I didn't even have the chance to prepare as much. Most of my Christmas shopping was done amidst the crazy crowds on the 23rd (something I vow never to do again, Toy Kingdom smelled like a palengke and was just as crowded). The 24th actually came as quite a surprise to me. You know what it's like right? You wake up thinking it's just another ordinary day then when you pick up your phone to glance at the time you realize it's christmas already.
Christmas came and went in a blur buying last minute gifts, delivering them and getting ready for dinner which we ended up spending in a hotel this year since I guess everyone was just as equally busy with not enough time to prepare. I felt a smattering of the spirit here and there but nothing "thud-solid".
The nights between christmas and new year's eve were spent attending numerous parties, the mornings-nursing the mandatory 30-something hangover.
Everything was so snappy. Days came by quickly, one after the other just like a trigger happy kid with a pellet gun. It was filled with glitter, gifts and laughter but still no spirit.
And then New Year's Eve finally came along. This time around, we got to spend it in our Tita's house which is awesome in my opinion because I really prefer celebrating in private, homey atmospheres. It was a bit of an impromptu decision so everyone just brought what they could for a potluck dinner....
Of course, Johnnie and Jack were included in the invite as well...
|jack daniels honey, johnnie walker double black|
Being the official last party and the end of the holiday season, I was finally able to relax and take it slow. Enjoy the moment and not worry about the following day.
What I love most about New Year's Eve is the time you get to spend with your loved ones gazing up at the sky in silent admiration of the fireworks and festivities. It's one of those rare occasions when you don't have to say anything to make the moment special. It just is. A silent bond is formed together in anticipation of the exciting possibilities of the year ahead. An eagerness and a satisfaction knowing that you have someone to share the triumphs and defeats with. The realization of family.
Kids can be wise beyond their age and have the ability to inspire more than even a nobel prize winning adult. Nikola in particular has the innocence of a child but with a soul of an old wise man.
Standing together in the street, looking up at the sky, we both caught a glimpse of a chinese lantern beginning it's ascent into the sky. I told her to make a wish. Expecting her to say something about travel or a new toy I was surprised when she told me she wished for mine and Dennis's health and survival (yes, she used the term survival :P). Her one simple, direct line, the look in her eyes and the sincerity in her voice as she uttered those words brought in a wave of emotions and realizations all at the same time which have stuck with me until today and I hope for the rest of my life.
Now that the holiday season is over, I realized that the spirit was there, well and alive during every moment. I was just too busy to acknowledge it. It's a bit late but I am still more than grateful to have been given the gift to recognize it and a wonderful family to share it with.