of drunkennes and brooding
Am I the only one with a dark, brooding side? I know I'm not but sometimes I feel like I am. Everyone around me just always seems so steady and cheery. Makes me wonder and makes me also a little jealous at times.
It's weird because it comes in seasons just like the rain, without any warning. No, I don't think I'm bipolar. Maybe my problem is that I think too much about everything and although it may not seem like it, I worry. I tend to worry a lot. Not about the usual money, future, home, retirement thing but more about the trivial little details. Which makes my worrying pointless and stupid actually but I can't help it.
I downloaded the Day One Journal app several weeks ago in an attempt to keep my private thoughts, well, more private and to stop documenting them here. I used it for about a week and I really like it you know? The interface is cool and everything but something inside of me still prefers to jot my feelings down semi-publicly. The idea of having anonymous people know how I feel without having to see anybody face to face really has this appeal on me. Maybe it's because it feels like I am talking to a friend without getting/feeling judged. I don't know wether or not you judge me but I don't mind since I can't see your face or hear your voice while you do it.
Speaking of judging, I am beginning to start questioning myself on wether or not I am slowly turning into a bad drunk or wether its the result of just being overly hormonal. I can't be going into menopause yet or can I? I got my period pretty early, I wonder how old (or young?) the youngest case of menopause is. Wait, there's google for that. Maybe I'll squeeze googling that into this afternoon's tight schedule of snoozing, ranting and watching tv.
Anyway, back to being drunk, I saw this rock band last night who really rubbed me the wrong way. I haven't experienced a reaction as violent as I did in regards to band-watching, as last night. They really pissed me off and I am still mortified that I actually voiced out my disdain in public. In fact, I didn't just voice it out, I screamed quite loudly that they were nothing but a bunch of sellouts. I hope nobody heard me over the noise. That was so wrong of me.
As much as I didn't enjoy half of their set, I still really have much respect for people who go out there and express themselves regardless of what manner they choose. I have no right to judge but I did and I am so embarassed by it. It definitely deserved a double face palm moment and I wouldn't be surprised if this was delivered by the singer.
I'm trying to recall what made me so angry and the only thing I can remember is that I felt like they were "crowd pleasers". A show band parading as a hard rock band. They were good musicians, to be fair, but I don't like it when people compromise just to please other people. I hate it even more when it's done by a man with long hair who pretends to be all rock and roll when in fact, he is nothing but a terrible rehash of Nelson.
Oh god, see? There I go again judging. Since when did I become so judgmental? Is this why there are a lot of grumpy old women? Am I turning into one? Do I need to hit the peace pipe? I think I may have to once in awhile, just for emergency purposes like this when I get too strung out. Strung out???