why i don't believe in marrying your first love
So yesterday, I groggily tried to transfer photos from my camera to the laptop which resulted in me accidentally erasing all my files. I'm trying to recover them right now but it ruined my work momentum. Photos included an ootd and some snaps from the Cole-Haan Zero Grand launch. Really, really annoying, but instead of crying over spilled milk, I decided to write an editorial post inspired by a book I'm currently reading "Something Blue".
The book is about a girl cheating on her fiancee a few months before tying the knot. I've only read the first few chapters but it got me thinking and remembering why:
I don't believe in marrying your first love and how to recognize when you've finally snagged "The One". :P
We've all been there right? Those super passionate early romances with our first beau that makes us feel like he's the only one for us and no other? You and me against the world and all that. For most of us, these relationships don't last. Others get pregnant early and end up stuck with their high school sweetheart. Unless you are one of the lucky few, needle in a haystack people who managed to hook up with their true soulmate on your first try, chances are, once you both hit maturity, everything goes to shit. It's either you realize that you've outgrown each other or somebody cheats.
Cheating is the beginning of the end for all relationships no matter how strong your initial foundations are. Trust is one of the hardest things to earn in a relationship and once broken, it can almost be impossible to gain it back.
Why do people cheat? Boredom, Curiosity, Revenge? I find the most dangerous to be curiosity. It's extremely difficult to satiate desire and this is why I don't believe in marrying your first love.
Life is like being in a candy store. There are so many different flavors to choose from, how can you settle for one especially when it's your first time there. Wouldn't you want to try a few before finally settling on a favorite? I'm not encouraging anyone to slut around, all I'm saying is that we should all take our time and not rush into major life changing decisions like marriage.
Going into a lifetime relationship without the privilege of "experience" is like a disaster waiting to happen. I know this because I went through it before in my past relationships. Thank god none of them ended up in pregnancy or wedlock.
In ALL of my failed romances there was never a time when the thought of being with someone else other than my current boyfriend didn't cross my mind. I never really acted on it but the constant nagging feeling of being curious and entertaining "what if" questions made it impossible for those relationships to flourish.
And then Dennis happened. Ours was a whirlwind romance. Having been friends since high school, it took us more than a decade to hook up but once reunited, it took all but a month for us to seal the deal.
How did I know that he's "The One"?
This part is tricky and is often not the same for everyone. I don't wanna jinx it but I'm telling you, you'll know once you find yourself in that situation.
For me, I realized it when we first kissed. There was a feeling deep in my belly (not lust, mind you :P) that seemed to fill my entire being making me feel warm and safe all over. Similar to the way a bulb lights up a room. A kiss has never made me feel that way before.
But despite having felt that, I still didn't think that it was substantial enough reason to commit. 30+ years on this earth has left me jaded and it takes a bit more to leave me convinced. What really got to me was the overwhelming feeling of satisfaction. To wake up and live in a world like there is only one man. Being in the right relationship is easy. It's like living with your best friend. There are still ups and downs and days when the smallest things irritate me but come bedtime, all troubles are erased and we wake up fresh for another day.
I am no relationship expert but (roughly) two decades of experience has taught me quite a bit and it contributes a whole lot to where and who I am now. Those tears that were shed for the wrong person wasn't a waste of time after all. I am thankful for having been through all that because if not for all those heartaches I would still be asking "What Ifs".