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Why I didn't travel much this 2017?

I used work as an excuse but the real reason behind it was fear. Which I found a bit weird especially given my (travel and adventure) history. For some reason, I experienced an overwhelming fear of flying this year.

It started a few months after returning from Japan last February.

Yes, I came across a feng shui prediction that advised me against travel and being close to metal objects. I have to admit that added to the cause BUT that wasn't the first time I read something like that and it never stopped me before. So why now? I still can't give you a concrete answer to that question.

But I will try to explain what made me decide to hop on that plane and throw all caution to wind.

Before you say that I did it because it was free, let me nip that in the bud. It wasn't because it was free. I wish it was as simple as that but the truth is I turned down more than 3 (free) trips this year.

So why not this one?

To be honest, when I received the invitation, I almost immediately declined as well.

I was looking for an excuse when something in my head started screaming STOP BEING A PUSSY.

I drew strength from my Grandma. Also the same person where I think all this anxiety stems from. OR NOT (more later).

I used to be fearless but I noticed something in me change when I hit my late 30's. I began to notice that adulting was beginning to turn me into an old person well before my time. I was suddenly paranoid and nervous about so many things. NOT GOOD.

Some say I was turning into my grandma. Which for her is okay and understandable since she's in her 70's but I'm only in my 30's AND my grandma travels every year - To even farther destinations. Yes she has to take a couple of Valiums to endure the long flight BUT she still gets on that plane! 

Over and over. 

To the states, to Europe and I couldn't even get on a 3 hour flight. WTF.

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I was so scared I even brought one of my daughter's squishy toys with me "in case I didn't make it" 🙄 It seems so funny and melodramatic now but it wasn't while I was going through it...

Also, sad to admit, I was going through a personal struggle. A depression I couldn't shake off despite knowing everything in my life was going well.

It was all that plus me being tired of pulling my weight around each morning just to get through another day. It was the chance to travel for the first time with new friends, it was the lure of a new destination and a new environment. But what really made me do it?

Ironically, it was my instinct for survival that made me get on that plane.

I knew I had to try. It was either this or therapy. Of course I decided to go with the cheaper option. Haha

And I'm so happy I did.

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Once I saw Ava's smiling face at the airport, I knew I made the right decision.

Yes I was still nervous during the 3 hour wait to board the plane but when I began to notice that other passengers were more nervous than me, I began to relax a little bit (I have never really been a nervous flyer prior to this trip). Trying to appear calm while chatting with my companions also helped (when deep inside I was struggling not to call home and have Dennis fetch me again). Faking it until I wasn't faking anymore worked.

Most of my fears and anxieties were blown away by the wind as soon as our plane lifted off.

Whatever was left soon followed the moment I laid eyes on Busan's glittering skyline. I knew deep down that this was just what I needed. And even better....


....of course it helped that we were flying Pal. 😜